Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A letter to Asher

December 27th, 2010

To my beautiful son,

From the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, my heart overflowed with love! You mean so much to me and I can't believe you are finally here. You didn't make things particularly easy for your mom though. You gave me plenty of scares throughout the pregnancy when you wouldn't cooperate for exams or wouldn't move for awhile (which is hard to believe now because you are always squirming around!) After everything we had been through previously, I was so scared of losing you. There were many nights I cried about it and prayed over it. Then, when I found out that there may be a serious complication that could result in you leaving us...I was a mess. But the news was actually a blessing in disguise. I spent a week in the hospital, hooked up to monitors to make sure that you were doing okay. I fell asleep each night to the sound of your strong, beautiful little heartbeat! I was so thankful when you were born, but I have to admit that I missed that wonderful sound. When I heard you cry for the first time, I cried too! You are my miracle.

You've been in this world for only 6 weeks but already, you have changed my life forever. For me, you've been in my heart for years and I've just been waiting to meet you. Your dad and I have been through a lot of rough times together and it hasn't been easy but I want you to know that you are our shining star! I know we won't be able to forget about the hard times, but having you in our lives makes it easier to move forward and look to the future. You are so special and I have no doubt that you are going to be an amazing person. My dreams for you are simple, I just want you to be happy! Please know that no matter who you become, you are our son and we will always love you. Never be afraid to come to us with anything. We will always be here for you and our love for you is unconditional. I wish that we could protect you from the hard things in life but those are the things that shape us as individuals. Always remember that you are loved. If you only learn one thing from us, I hope it's to love God and put your trust in Him and the rest will fall into place!

Love always- Mom

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

1 Month!

December 15th, 2010

My little pumpkin is napping so I have a minute to update my blog. It's only been a few weeks since my last update but boy has a lot happened since then! Asher is finally at home with us where he belongs....but it took a little longer than we had expected. He got a fever not once, but twice while in the NICU so they had to do the full work-up on him including blood tests, a lumbar puncture and a week of antibiotics (both times). Needless to say, mommy was a wreck throughout all of it!

The NICU is a funny place. You are so incredibly grateful that they are there to take care of your precious bundle but at the same time, you find yourself hating the place. I spent hours upon hours up in Pod 4 where Asher spent his first month of life. There were a lot of ups and downs....a horrible roller coaster ride I was happy to finally get off. By the end of it, I was just so frustrated by the entire process. It was more than I could handle. Having to leave him there at night was heartbreaking but I knew I had to go home and get some sleep so I would have the energy to do it all over again the next day. My days started to blend into one...the routine of each day was monotonous but there was no way I was spending any day apart from my beautiful little son. I couldn't leave if he was awake. If he was crying, I felt as though it was my job as his mom to stay and calm him, even though I knew it was technically the nurses "job." Exhaustion was always on my door step...but I only let love in. The love I have for Asher kept me going!

Now he is finally home and I couldn't be happier. Every hour I spend awake, calming my little son is worth it. Every snuggle is cherished! I have to say that this pregnancy was trying...a journey that wasn't easy in the slightest. And his birth and NICU stay wasn't exactly ideal but looking at Asher's sweet little face makes every "hard" part go away. He is amazing!

God is good...we are so very blessed!

Monday, November 22, 2010

One crazy, beautiful week!

November 22nd, 2010

1 week ago our little son was born! I still can't believe he's here, let alone it already being a week ago that I had surgery and met the most beautiful boy in the world. It's been a crazy week to say the least. Our lives have completely changed...but for the better. Asher has fully stolen my heart and I am so blessed to be his mommy!

I think I covered Monday pretty well in my last post! That was probably the most special and important day of my life...I will remember it always. Asher came into this world a tiny miracle!

Tuesday, Asher was started on some colostrum and did well with it. His breathing was being supported by a nasal cannula that was giving him oxygen and pressure to keep his lungs open. He was still getting antibiotics from the IV. There was talk about him going under photolight therapy because of his bilirubin levels but he was doing well. The hardest thing to see was how much he hated having the oxygen tubing on his face and that also that his eyes had been irritated by the erytrhomiacin that they gave him after birth. His eyes were red and swollen and he kept them shut most of the day. I got to hold him for over an hour that night. I just looked down at him and talked to him the whole time. I also changed his diaper and took his temperature for the first time. At one day old, he was my everything!

Wednesday, Asher was put under the lights and given some shades to protect his eyes. They were still irritated so again, we didn't get to see those big blue eyes all day. He didn't appreciate having yet another thing on his face. They started weening his oxygen from 2 liters down to 1 liter and they upped his feedings to 5 mls rather than the 1 ml they were giving him the day before. They also had to put in an NG tube just incase the increased feedings would poop him out. Yet another thing for those tiny hands to pull on! The little improvements made me so happy though, any progress was positive. At two days old, I was a very proud mommy!

Thursday, mommy got to be discharged from the hospital and go home. What a bittersweet day. I was so happy to get out of the hospital after being there for almost 2 weeks but I didn't want to leave my little pumpkin. I knew that the NICU was the best place for him, but to go home without him was so hard...little did I know, leaving him would get even harder and harder each time. Asher was still under the light therapy but I got to take him out that night and breastfeed him. He did really well for his first time. It was a learning process for both of us. His eyes were feeling better too so while he was eating, he looked up at me and it melted my heart. What an amazing bonding experience! They also decreased his oxygen again to .5 liters and upped his feedings to 10 mls. He is such a trooper! At 3 days old, my heart ached when I was away from him.

Friday, Asher was doing great! They upped his feedings to 15 mls and weened him completely off of the oxygen. We were so impressed with his improvements and I think he was happy to get the oxygen out of his nose. We were struggling with breastfeeding so we stuck to the bottle mostly. I tried to stay optimistic with it but it's a little discouraging when things don't work out instantly. But, Asher was still very little and I had to realize that it may take awhile for him to be strong enough. At 4 days old, I knew my prayers were being answered!

Saturday, Asher was taken off of the photolight therapy. He was wide awake and hungry when we came to visit in the morning. I was given a nipple shield which worked wonders. He latched right on and was a piggy! It was great to see his progress and it was very encouraging for me. Auntie Renae came to visit and we went back up to see him in the late afternoon. I think he was pooped out from earlier because he seemed disinterested in his bottle and just wanted to sleep and snuggle when we were there. Luckily, he did eat and they didn't have to use his NG tube. That evening he did a little better but I could tell he was still very tired. At 5 days old, I went home a little worried about the most precious thing in my life!

Sunday, Asher did great with his feedings. He was upped to 30 mls and had a standing order to increase it to 35 mls if he handled the 30 mls. He was also switched to intermediate care which meant they had to monitor him a little less. They finally put some clothes on him and were getting him ready to go in a crib! When we came to visit that evening, he looked like a new little man. He was fully clothed, hat and all...just adorable! The next step is recovery which is the process of getting him ready to go home. He just needs to start gaining some weight! They didn't give us a day, but we knew we were moving in the right direction. At 6 days old, I was excited and looking to the future!

Sunday........Today Asher is 1 week old! I cannot believe it. I am so amazed by the progress he has made already. I am so so in love and I'm very proud of my little son! I am happy he is in good hands but I cannot wait to bring him home and have him here with me. My heart is full of joy, I am so blessed to have such a beautiful son! At only one week old, I feel like he has completed my life. There is nothing better than the miracle of a child. I love you Asher Mitchell with my whole heart!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Asher Mitchell--Our miracle!

November 17th, 2010

Our beautiful, wonderful, perfect little miracle has arrived! Asher Mitchell Hermanson made his debut Monday morning, November 15th at 7:48 a.m. He weighed 4 lbs, 13 oz and was 17.5 inches long. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He is amazing!

Sunday was my 26th birthday and I had quite a bit of company that day but I wasn't feeling very well. I was wishing the day would pass quickly because I just wanted to get to Monday so we could see the specialist. I was having contractions every 10-15 minutes and they were pretty intense so I was given a shot of Brethine at about 2:30 in the afternoon to stop them. The shot worked for about 5-6 hours and the contractions started to come back again. So at about 9:00 that evening I got another shot and they started me on some fluids. I fell asleep shortly after and at about 3:00 in the morning I woke up to more contractions. I also noticed that my arm felt really "tight." The nurse came in and said that the IV had quit working and that I needed a new one. While I was waiting for the Anesthesiologist to come in and start my new IV (for the third time) I got up to go to the bathroom and felt a little "gush" which soaked my underwear. I let the nurse know and she tested it and it was in fact, amniotic fluid. At this point, I was pretty upset. They did an ultrasound to check the fluid level and I just remember shaking and crying through the whole thing. The baby was still looking great on the monitor so the on-call doctor didn't act right away. At about 5:30 that morning, she wanted to check my cervix because I was still having contractions and leaking fluid. She used a scope and confirmed that my membranes had definitely ruptured at which point, she called my regular doctor who decided he wanted to come in and do a c-section right away that morning.

Needless to say, I was pretty stunned and very scared. I called Danny and my mom and they both came right over. It wasn't an "emergency" c-section but more of an "urgency." In a matter of minutes, I had three nurses in my room starting a catheter, IV fluids, shaving me, and getting everything ready for the surgery. I can't really explain how I was feeling. I was excited that I was finally going to meet my little one but I was so scared because he was coming too soon. It was a wave of emotions that I don't think I will ever be able to explain. I was taken to the OR and had a spinal. Then they brought Danny in and he sat by my head while they worked on getting the baby out. Danny was such a great support for me. He rubbed my cheek and kept me distracted....and when we finally heard the beautiful sound of our son crying, I lost it. We just looked at eachother and smiled and cried. We've been waiting to hear that precious sound for years....and when it came, it was more amazing than I could have ever imagined!

After they got him cleaned up, I got to see him for just a second before they took him to the NICU. Danny went with him. That was the point where my emotions went a little crazy again. I felt alone. I was so proud of that little boy, I just wanted to hold him and never let him go but I couldn't. I was stuck on that table getting stitched back up, not able to move. I kept pretty calm but I remember near the end, a moment where I got really warm and a little panicky. It was awful! Recovery wasn't much fun either. I was sweating, and shaking, and couldn't move my legs for a few hours. I felt horrible when all I really wanted was to feel fine and go see my perfect little son! When I finally started to get feeling back and was able to get up....Danny and I finally got to go see our little guy. We hadn't picked a name yet so that was also on the to-do list.

He was in the NICU, all hooked up to monitors and he had an IV and a nasal cannula for oxygen. He's so little at 4lbs 13 oz and 17.5 inches long but everything about him is just perfect. He has perfect features and he just amazes me! We talked to him and held his sweet little hands and were just in awe by what a beautiful little person we had created. And we could tell he knew we were there...he woke right up and was alert the whole time. He has gorgeous blue eyes and little peach-fuzz blonde hair. It took a while to decide on his name. We were throwing around 3 names but Asher just fit. He looks like an Asher and the meaning of "happy, blessed" is exactly what we feel having him here. So he is Asher Mitchell. Mitchell is in honor of Danny's younger brother who passed away 5 years ago.

Later on in the evening, my mom and dad wanted to go see him so they took me back to the NICU and I got to hold him for the very first time. Just writing about that moment brings tears to my eyes. I snuggled my little man and didn't want to ever ever let him go. I don't think I've ever had a more beautiful moment in my life. Holding him made all of my hurt go away. He truly is a miracle!

Today we went back to visit him and he's still doing very good for his size and gest. age. He's getting antibiotics and is still on oxygen. They are going to start trying to feed him some of my colostrum (sp?) and he may have to get some photolight therapy because he's a little jaundice. But he's definitely a little fighter and he's hanging in there! I'm just so incredibly happy and relieved that he is here and that he's doing well. He means everything to me! And one of the most amazing things I've witnessed is how much Danny is in love with him. It makes my heart flutter knowing that I have such an amazingly beautiful little family and I just couldn't be happier!

I want to thank everyone again for all of the prayers and support! Little Asher continues to need prayers though....he has a tough road ahead of him to continue to grow and get strong. They are thinking he will be in the NICU for about 2 weeks. I can't wait to have him home!

Here he is only a few hours old, alert and beautiful!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Unexpected blessing in disguise

November 12th, 2010

Nothing ever seems to come easy for Danny and I. If you've been keeping up with my pregnancy, you know how stressful it's been for me. I guess I wasn't worried enough because things just got a little more complicated.

I worked last weekend and was feeling exhausted. On Monday, I left work early and decided to go home to rest but I just didn't feel right. I had noticed a decrease in movement as well as just not feeling great. I was scheduled to have my regular NST on Tuesday but I decided to call the clinic on Monday afternoon just to see if I should maybe come in earlier. Guess my mama bear instincts have already set it. They told me to come in for my NST that afternoon and the doctor decided he also wanted another ultrasound. I've had numerous ultrasounds now so I somewhat know what they are looking for but this time was a little different. The technologist was paying extra close attention to the placenta and the umbilical cord. When I met with the doctor right after the ultrasound, I already suspected that something was not right. He explained that they baby looks great but that it looked like there was a vessel that was unprotected by the cord or placenta and that it could cause serious complications. Instantly, my eyes filled up and my head started to spin...serious complications is something I don't know that I could deal with. He admitted me to the hospital to be monitored around the clock.

The complication is called Vasa Previa. The infant death rate is huge when not diagnosed because of how fast complications can happen. If the membranes rupture or the cervix begins to dialate, the vessel could be severed and the baby most likely will bleed to death. However, the chances for fetal survival are much better once diagnosed and this is why we are ever so lucky! God was looking out for us on Monday! The baby will need to be delivered by c-section so surgery is in my near future. We are all hoping that everything will stay calm and we are able to keep this baby from being delivered for a couple of more weeks to ensure that development is more mature. So for now, I am spending my days hooked up to a monitor so that I can listen to my precious little one's heartbeat at every moment.

They gave me two steroid shots to help with the lung development of baby and on Tuesday I was given a 24 hour dose of Magnesium Sulfate to help with the neurological development of baby. I can handle 2 shots in the buttcheek but boy did that Magnesium Sulfate mess me up! I had a headache, my neck hurt, my eyes were unfocused and blurry and I hardly had any appetite. Luckily when they shut it off, I began to feel normal again after a few hours. Thursday and Friday have been good days. I've had a few visitors which has been great. It's fun to see my friends and family and it definitely helps to pass the time. It's evident how important a solid support system is in a time like this. I don't know what I would do without the love, support and prayers of the people around me.

Sunday is my 26th birthday. Sitting in a hospital bed isn't exactly my idea of a grand ole time but knowing that my baby is being looked after is all the birthday gift I can ask for! There is nothing more important to me than bringing this baby into the world as happy and healthy as possible! So even though I may not be happy to be here, I feel blessed to know that we are being taken care of. I have an amazing doctor and he's very proactive!

Monday we will see a specialist from maternal medicine. I will be getting a thorough ultrasound scan of the placenta and cord to confirm or disprove the diagnosis. I'm hoping that it's possible that this vessel being unprotected just isn't the case. That would help me sleep better at night. But either way, I know the plan is still the same and I will be here until baby arrives. I will try update once we know more after that appointment.

For now, we just continue to ask for prayers for our precious baby! There is nothing more spectacular than the miracle of life. I am a mother and this baby is my world....I would do anything and everything to make it possible for baby to be healthy. God is good and we are optimistic!

Baby Hermanson, I know I am unable to wrap you in my arms tonight, but I am so grateful that we can wrap our prayers around you and know that God's hands are protecting you! You are safe in God's love.

Monday, November 1, 2010

BOO! A post full of scary...or maybe not

November 1st, 2010

Last night was Halloween, but it was VERY low key in the Hermanson household. We didn't get any trick-or-treaters so we ate candy together and watched the Vikings lose again (the season they are having is scary!) and the World Series.

On Friday I had another NST which baby again failed so I had to have another ultrasound. Each time baby doesn't pass one of these tests, it scares me. I'm tired of being scared with this pregnancy, but I know that it won't be over until baby is here in our arms- happy AND healthy! Anyway, baby passed the bio physical profile ultrasound so I was again very relieved. After the tests I took off for home. It was my beautiful niece Gianna's 5th birthday and I couldn't miss it! Who doesn't want to go to a Minnie Mouse party? It was a blast to see my nieces and nephews and spend time with family. I also got to see my aunt Mary from California so that was fun too!

Ealier on in the week we got more scary news. SNOW was in the forecast! The thought of it makes me shiver. Luckily, Fargo only got a light dusting but my in-laws weren't as fortunate. Eight inches of wet, heavy snow struck their farm making it hard for them to even travel. And travel was exactly what they were set on doing. They all hopped in Brad's (Danny's brother) pickup and faced the unpleasant roads all in the name of Pink Floyd (well, technically just Roger Waters.) They had gotten us all tickets to go to Minneapolis for a concert. Once in Fargo, the roads were fine and we made it to the concert in one piece. It was a very entertaining concert, one of the best I've ever seen (minus the "smoke"---if you know what I mean.)

Okay, so most of that wasn't all that scary. Probably the scariest thing for me right now is that we are now at the gestational period where we lost Gabriel. It happened between 32 and 33 weeks. I know a repeat isn't likely, but I can't help by worry. I pray that in 5-6 weeks we will have our little pumpkin here safely in our arms. Hopefully the next few weeks will pass by without anymore scares. Is that too much to ask?

Sunday, October 24, 2010


October 24th, 2010

Maybe we should just call this baby Stubborn. Stubborn Hermanson...what do you think, does it have a nice ring to it? Or how about Let's Scare Mommy Hermanson? No, too long? Okay, okay I won't be naming our baby any of these...but they sure seem to fit nicely!

Yes that's right, baby gave mommy a little fright on Friday. I went in for my NST and the strip wasn't reactive. What the non stress test does is it measures baby's heart rate. When baby moves, the heart rate is supposed to speed up which makes sense. Anyway, baby decided to be sleepy during the test and so the strip didn't turn out great. So, I was sent to have another biophysical profile ultrasound. During the ultrasound they look for things like movement, heart rate, fluid measurements, and breathing movements and the baby has to pass all of these things in 30 minutes. Well, baby passed everything but the breathing movements. The little stinker just did not want to cooperate. We watched and watched and watched and baby just wouldn't do it. With two imperfect tests on Friday, the doctor wanted to me come back on Saturday to recheck everything. No big deal right.....except that I'm an emotional freak right now and every little thing worries me!

On Saturday, Danny and I headed to the birth center to repeat the tests. I was hooked up to the monitor and the NST strip looked great. Then, it was time for the ultrasound. Baby passed everything, including breathing, in less than 10 minutes! It was great to know that everything was back to looking great and I'm so so happy! But my gosh is it frustrating that baby couldn't have just showed us how wonderfully cooperative it can be on Friday. I guess baby is just keeping us on our toes.

I can't explain how happy I am that everything is going well with this pregnancy and that my doctor is so pro-active! ~Praise the Lord~

Here are a couple more pictures of Stubborn...errrr I mean, baby Hermanson ;)

Yesterday also marked the 5 year anniversary of the day that Danny's brother Mitchell passed away. Mitchell Ryan Hermanson was an amazing person and I'm lucky to have known him. He had a way of making everyone smile. We miss him dearly! We love you are never far from our minds and are always in our hearts!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th , 2010

Today, October 15th, is national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today is a day to remember all of the little ones who never got a chance at life. You may not realize it, but you probably know many women who have experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, or neonatal losses. Many women do not talk about these losses because the subject is somewhat taboo. But the loss of a child, no matter how small, is a devastating event and these precious little people need to be remembered.

At 7:00 p.m. you are encouraged to light a candle in memory of the babies that have been lost. Remember to keep their families in your prayers as well. As a mother who lost my first born son, Gabriel, I know the pain that is felt around the world as parents "let go" of their children. It happens every day. The heartbreak, the suffering. I know from personal experience that is a very lonely place to be in those first painful moments and the time of "healing" for years to come.

So rest in peace little you are remembered around the world! You are loved and you are missed!

For more information about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, go here:

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Good things!

October 4th, 2010

So, my last post was a bit of a "poor me" rant. Well, on a happier note, we have entered the third trimester, YAY! I had an appointment today and the doctor said everything is going great! My last few bio physical profile ultrasounds were "perfect" he said. The baby passed everything and is looking good. My blood pressure, blood sugar, and weight are all intact so he was very happy about how this pregnancy is progressing so far. I am too! I'm excited and happy that everything is going so well. I just pray that things continue to go smoothly.

Next week starts my hectic schedule of Non-Stress tests. I go in twice a week now for the rest of October. Not sure what will go on after this month.

We got some great u/s pictures so I thought I would share a
few more! I love seeing baby's beautiful never gets
old! Enjoy :)

I love our little hunny....can't wait to meet this baby in a few months!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Mini Whine-fest

September 29th, 2010

I just need to vent a little. I'm exhausted. Monday night was awful.....I was on-call at the hospital and got absolutely no sleep. It is now Wednesday evening and I still haven't caught up yet. I'm still so tired.

My feet are killing me! Standing for 8-10 hours a day at work is not good on the feet at anytime, but with this extra 20 lbs I'm hauling around right now, it's even worse. I've tried 3 or 4 different pairs of shoes and none of them help. I've even tried adding those gel sole supports and nothing works. Not sure how I'm going to handle the next few months of this!

And worst of all, Danny is gone yet again. I had him home for a couple of weeks and I was getting used to having him around more. Hopefully when our baby gets here, he will be here more often. I'm going to need him!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I need a break, too bad I have to work this weekend :(

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Plan for the weeks to come...

September 21st, 2010

I had an appointment with
my doctor yesterday, including another ultrasound! I was told my iron was a slightly low so I will be taking a supplement for that (no wonder why I've been so tired lately). I also got my "baby appointment schedule" for the upcoming weeks. Baby and I are going to be very busy from the sounds of it. I have another bio physical profile ultrasound next week and another the week after that along with an appointment to see the doc. Then, at 30 weeks we will be going in twice a week for non-stress tests.'s going to be hectic but I'm so happy that they are planning on keeping a close eye on us. That's what I know so far. But for now, here are some ultrasound pictures from yesterday. I think baby has Danny's lips (which is a good thing) haha!

Profile picture (approx. 27 weeks)

3D picture (approx. 27 weeks) doing yoga! ;)

3D picture (approx. 27 weeks)...................that doesn't look too comfortable silly!
Belly pic from a week ago @ 25 weeks and 5 days
Belly pic from a few weeks ago @ 22 weeks and 5 days

In God's Hands

September 21st, 2010

Yesterday morning I had a meltdown. On Saturday, baby was very active and has been on and off for the past few weeks. It's those "off" moments that get me worried. Sunday baby was active but not like on Saturday, and Monday morning, I had hardly felt a thing. I was at work and just lost it. I felt bad for my poor co-workers, having to deal with this emotional, hormonal wreck of a woman. Luckily, my mind was set to ease shortly thereafter and I got through the rest of the day. I'm very blessed to work with such understanding people who realize that the next 3 months are going to suck for me. I'm probably going to be a freak-out queen, but they expect it and will let me do what I have to do!

Here's the thing. As the time goes on, as that 33 week mark gets closer, the more I start to worry. Losing a baby is heartbreaking, at any stage. I would be so hurt to lose a baby at any time, but I think I could accept it in the first trimester. Being this far, I would be devastated. I dealt with it once. I think I've handled Gabriel's death with grace, I've been strong and I've made my way through the past few years. However, I really don't know if I could do it again. The thought frightens chills every bone in my body until I feel numb. It's unfathomable, yet it's not impossible. I know that worrying is not going to help anything. And I'm trying very hard to be optimistic. Pregnancy is supposed to be a joyful experience. So, today I've become motivated to do better, for my own mental health and for the health of my child. I am filled with hope! My outlook is going to be a positive one. I am putting this in God's hands and He will guide me through this!

Prayers are always welcome. I believe in the power of prayer and I appreciate them very much! I am blessed to have such an amazing support system. Thanks to my husband, my family, my friends, my co-workers, and even complete strangers who wish us well. The positivity is all around us....God is working and He is great!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

What's in a name?

September 7th, 2010

So we've been asked a lot about finding out the gender of our little one. If you are reading this, I can let you know right now that you will probably just have to wait until December for the big surprise!! Don't be sad....surprises are fun :)

We've also been asked about names. I can assure you that we have a few picked out for each gender. But, Danny and I agreed that we have to see baby before we decide on a name. I don't think we will have much trouble though, because we both have similar likes/dislikes when it comes to this. I can tell you what kinds of names you won't be seeing on our child though.

1. Boys names on girls. Masculine names like Ryan, Kyle, James, Aidan, Finley, Elliot, and Evan will not be found on a girl of ours. To me, these are strictly boys names and a sweet, beautiful, precious little girl of mine is going to have a pretty girls name. I'm a big fan of leaving the boys names to the boys! Gender confusion is no fun.
***Note: I'm okay with boyish nicknames for example: Charlotte nn Charlie, Aurora nn Rory, Francesca nn Frankie, Johanna nn Joe

2. 'Y' in place of any or every vowel. Unless a 'y' is supposed to be included, you won't be finding one in our childs' name. I do not think that adding a 'y' makes a name cute, different, or feminine. Unless we decide on a name like Kelly or Jeremy, there will be no random 'y'.

3. Misspellings. I'm a smart, educated woman. To me, misspelling a name makes a parent look uneducated and illiterate. Some people go way too far in my opinion, to the point you can't even recognize the name. Spelling a name different from the common or traditional spelling doesn't make the name different or unique. To me, it's just the same old name with a crazy spelling.

4. Cutesy names. Things like Destiny, Heaven, Princess, Nevaeh, Trinity, etc...belong on pets in my opinion. This is just a personal preference. I can't imagine having to introduce myself as Princess.

So what have you learned about me from this post other than I may be a bit of a name snob? Well, you can expect a well named baby due in December of course ;) haha

For an idea of what style you might see on baby Hermanson, here are some names that I love but Danny nixed:
Boys: Aidric, Beckett, Callum, Dietrich, Ezra, Frey, Graham, Kai, Lachlan, Noah, Wesley
Girls: Adelaide, Bryony, Catalina, Cecily, Eliza, Freya, Ivy, Louisa, Norah, Violet

Don't worry, there were a few on my list he didn't veto...our baby will be named, hopefully without too much discussion when the time comes!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Moving on

August 16th, 2010

At the end of this week, we are moving out of this apartment. I can't tell you how happy I am to get out of this place. I have many complaints about the neighbors and the management....we have not been happy here for quite awhile. Moving into a new place is going to be such a breath of fresh air for us!

But when I look a little deeper, the move is going to be somewhat bittersweet. Why, you ask? Well, this is where we've spent the first 3 years of our marriage! 3 years ago in June we said our "I do's", went on our amazing honeymoon in July, and moved into this apartment that August. We were newly weds, starting our new life together as husband and wife. I was so proud to find places for our wedding gifts and to hang wedding pictures on the walls. Now the walls are bare and the cupboards are empty. Our things are neatly packed in boxes, ready for their new home.

The past 3 years haven't been all puppies and rainbows, I won't lie and say things have been perfect. But our first few years of marriage have really showed us a lot about eachother and we've grown so much closer. We have a very strong bond and a deep commitment to this union. If our relationship wasn't stable, we wouldn't be bringing a little one into our lives! Some people probably think that Danny and I got too serious, too fast. I will be the first to admit that I know so much more about him now than I did even on our wedding day. We've both grown so much. But I knew from the very beginning, even when we first met, that Danny was something special and that he would always be part of my life. I'm a very lucky woman to have such a solid rock, a friend I can always count on, and someone that I know will stick by me during the darkest hours! I don't think many people can really say that. I maybe wouldn't be able to say that either if we hadn't been through the tragic moments we have been forced to experience together. He's a good, a great man! Not all guys would be able to endure such stress. Our relationship has cracks, life hasn't been easy on us, but we've been doing our best to fill those cracks with a strong bond, making sure to not forget about them because they have helped bring us to where we are today.

So this week, we are moving on to a new home but we are bringing the foundation we already have built along with us! We have so much to look forward to and a lot of memories to look back on. So here's to change...and hopefully, our next 3 years will be even better and we will continue to learn from eachother and grow with one another each step of the way!!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Lookin' good!

August 11th, 2010

What's better during
pregnancy than getting to see your precious little one with ultrasound? It's truly an amazing sight. The only thing better is finding out from the doctor afterwards that everything is looking great! Yesterday, Danny and I went to the clinic for baby's big ultrasound at about 21 weeks. Baby wasn't being overly cooperative but we got some cute pictures and finding out that everything was looking good made me so happy. I actually ended up with tears in my eyes at one see this tiny life we made squirming around was just so spectacular!

I must admit, Gabriel crossed my mind yesterday during the ultrasound. I remember Danny and I watching him wave at us on the ultrasound. I remember us looking at eachother and we both just couldn't quit smiling. No matter what I do, Gabriel is never far off my mind. I miss him so much and can't help but wonder what he would think of his new little sibling growing inside of mommy. But I can only dream of what it would be like. It makes me sad, but I am hopeful for what our new life is going to be like!

The intense love I feel for this little one already is amazing and scary at the same time. My only wish is f
or a healthy second half of this pregnancy and that we are holding our sweet sweet baby in our arms in 4 months! My next appointment is September 8th and I get to do the fun glucose test, yippie! So until next time, here are some pictures of baby :)

Friday, August 6, 2010


August 6th, 2010

We've made it to the halfway point...20 weeks! It's very exciting. Next Tuesday we have our big ultrasound, I can't wait to see baby again. Danny will get to see baby for the first time too.

Baby has been kicking up a storm. I actually felt a kick from the outside the other night. Hopefully Danny will be able to feel it soon too! It's the most amazing thing!

I went to the doctor the other day because I was positive I had a bladder infection but I was wrong. I guess everything looked fine and I had probably just overdone myself that day and hadn't had enough water. Baby's heartbeat sounded good though and everything seems to be fine...Thank God!

Oooo, and the other day (right after I posted) our fuzzibunz came in the mail. They are adorable, I love them. Danny liked how soft they were! I will post a picture once we move in a couple weeks and get the other half of my stash.

And just for fun...a couple more belly pictures!

17 weeks and 5 days

19 weeks and 5 days

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Coming soon....

July 29th, 2010

So, we made our first big baby purchase and they should be arriving sometime today. Cloth Diapers...YAY! Some people think we're nuts but I think it's going to be a great investment. Sure we have to spend a few hundred bucks right off the bat to get our diaper stash, but when you think of it, we're going to save so much money in the long run. The package coming today will be about half of our stash which I paid $200 for. I will probably end up spending another $200 for the next around $400 total. Sounds like a lot right? But in reality, if we were to use disposables, we would be spending $60-80/month for the next few years of baby's life (hopefully we'll be potty-trained in 3 years haha). That's anywhere from $2,000-3,000 for just one baby. We can use these cloth diapers until baby doesn't need them anymore AND we can use them for our other children if we decide to have more. Sounds like a good deal to me! And of course you can't overlook the fact that we won't be contributing to the piling up of diapers in the landfill. That definitely gives a person that proud feeling of doing what's right! The other great thing about them is that they are super adorable too! A baby's gotta be lookin' good ;)

I can't wait to try them out....everyone I've talked to who cloth diapers loves it! And hopefully, the trend will catch on and more and more people will start cloth diapering. That would be fantastic. If you are interested in cloth diapering...check into it. Do some research and I think you will find that it really is the way to go.

I sure wish the Fed-ex dude would hurry up and get here!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

17 Weeks

July 15th, 2010

Tuesday was such an awful day! Usually I love Tuesdays because they are my day off from work, but I didn't get this Tuesday off and boy can I feel it coming up on the end of the week. I was on-call at work on Monday night and only got 1.5 hours of sleep. Needless to say, I was running on empty come Tuesday morning at work. Of course we had to be super busy that morning too....never fails!

I left work around 12:45 pm and headed back to Fargo for my OB appointment. I was excited to go to my appointment and then go home and take a nap. Guess what, that didn't happen either! I waited for over an hour to see the doctor but it was worth the wait. I met my doctor for the first time on Tuesday and he's great! I really respect him and it's nice to find an OB doctor that I can trust. He measured my belly and said that it's right on track. He also listened to baby's heartbeat and it was beating at a strong 152 bpm! I don't think that beautiful sound could ever get old. He also talked to me a lot about what happened with Gabriel and told me a personal story of how he and his wife lost triplets. How heartbreaking....he knows how it feels to lose a baby (they lost 3!) All and all, I'm very excited to continue this pregnancy under his care. We set up our big ultrasound for August 10th! I cannot wait. Good thing we are going to be busy the next few weeks so August should be here in no time.

Still feeling baby moving...I love those little flutters! I can't wait to feel them from the outside so that Danny can experience it too. Anyway, so far so good. Thanks for any prayers and we appreciate anyone who could keep saying a prayer for our little one! There is nothing more amazing than the gift of life!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Feeling Flutters

July 10th , 2010

I'm pretty sure that I felt baby move today! I remember what it feels like from last time and I've been feeling little flutters throughout the day. It's amazing...definitely my favorite part about being pregnant. There is nothing more exciting than feeling the first movements of your little one. I sure have missed that feeling! I'm just so happy, I had to share!

Oh, and Danny got to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time today. I used my fetal doppler and of course when he was watching, I couldn't find it right away. It took me a couple of minutes but I did find it eventually....what a beautiful sound! Baby's little heart was beating at about 155 bpm! Danny thought it was pretty neat.

Gosh, it's amazing how much I love this baby already! I can't wait to meet him/her in December!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Blog neglect....oops!

July 6th, 2010

I feel like I have some catching up to do. I don't know why I've been neglecting my blog for the past couple of weeks. Guess life just gets in the way sometimes!

Anyway, what have we been up to.....lets see. On June 23rd, Danny and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. Well, we actually didn't get to celebrate until the weekend because he was out of town for work. So that Friday I came home to a dozen huge peach colored roses. They were beautiful! Danny cracked open a beer and I poured up a glass of sparkling wine (I wanted to at least feel like I was celebrating with a drink haha) and we relaxed at home together. Then on Saturday, we got dressed up and went out for a nice supper. It was fun, we don't do that very often! I can honestly say that this has been a great year and I am so in love with my husband! I can't imagine my life with anyone else.

This past weekend we packed up and headed home for the 4th of July. We got to visit both of our families and many of our friends. It was a blast but I'm so exhausted! I'm not used to staying up late and being out in the sun all day anymore....I feel like I need an extra week off just to recover. It was so much fun though and I'm happy we got to spend some time with everyone.

Next month we are planning on moving out of our apartment and moving into a townhome. I cannot wait to get out of this apartment. The only good thing about where we live now is that it's cheap. Otherwise, good riddance I say! Our new place is going to be so much nicer. We will have much more privacy, won't have to walk up 3 flights of steps to get to it, a 2 stall attached garage, and our own washer and dryer. It's going to be heaven! We are hoping to start moving by August if anyone has some free time, feel free to come help haha ;)

And to end this post, I thought I would share another picture of my growing belly. This was taken a week ago. My next appointment is next Tuesday. Hopefully we will get to set up our ultrasound then. Danny and I still have to decide if we are finding out the gender....hopefully we can make up our minds by then!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

June 20th, 2010

Well, it's Father's Day and guess where I am? That's right, I'm at work....again. BLECH! And this time, no mom and dad to visit with. They had a busy weekend back home, but that's okay, so far it hasn't been too bad here.

I've been thinking a lot about Danny today! I can't wait for us to have a little one in our lives and see how he adjusts to becoming a dad. I know he's going to be a great father....I don't have any doubts about that! He's been getting more excited about having a baby. He's been talking about it more and he even discussed names with me the other night! We both agreed though that baby will not be named until we see him or her. We have a list of a few boys and girls names we both love and hopefully once we see baby, the name will just fit! I'm so excited for December to hurry up and get here (hmm, never thought I would be saying that I want summer to go by fast and I want winter to be here....yikes!) haha.

Anyway, wishing all of the wonderful dads out there in the world the best Father's Day today. I'm a very lucky girl to have such an amazing dad, an great father-in-law, and a fantastic husband! Love you all.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Little bump

June 15th, 2010

Well, I decided to bite the bullet and finally post a "belly" picture. So there ya have it, my little bump!

According to the doctor, I'm 13 weeks today (however, I'm going to continue with what I've been dating myself because it's so close anyway). The fatigue has gotten a lot better and I haven't been quite as nauseous so that's been great! I'm thinking the maternity clothes may have to come out soon. So far, my regular pants have been doing the job....but I don't know how much longer that will last.

Danny has been talking about the baby more so I think he's finally getting used to the idea that we are going to be bringing a little one home in 6 months. I know he's going to be a great dad and I can't wait to witness the bond he has with our child. I'm so happy and blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life!

My next appointment is July 13th and I can't wait. Until then my schedule is pretty busy. I work this weekend, which I'm not looking forward to. Then I have a 4 day weekend, work 2 days, and have a 5 day weekend over the Fourth of July! We will be going home to celebrate with Danny's classmates...they are having their 10 year reunion so that should be fun (my hubby's getting old!) I'm just excited to go home and see our families and friends!

Still praying every day that our little one remains healthy xoxo

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Baby's first picture

Picture taken 6/3/2010 at approximately 11 weeksJune 8th, 2010

Today was my first appointment! I didn't get to meet my doctor because he was on-call and had to go to the hospital for a surgery so I met his nurse practitioner. She was fantastic and was so great to talk to. We talked about what happened with Gabriel and she reassured me that they would be keeping an extra close eye on this baby (even though the odds are VERY low that something like that would happen again).

She did a quick ultrasound of the baby! I got to see baby moving around and also got to see it's little heart beating. What an amazing thing....I'm so in love already! They set me at 12 weeks today and that my due date would be December 22nd. I had calculated my due date as December I was pretty close! :)

Danny unfortunately couldn't make it to the appointment today because he is out of town for work this week. My next appointment is on July 13th and then our big ultrasound is in about 8-10 weeks. I'm hoping he can be around for that.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Happy Birthday Gabriel!

June 3rd, 2010

Today is your 4th heavenly birthday and I miss you so much! I know you are beautiful and perfect and sweet....I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. I'm sending up all of my love and hugs and kisses....I miss you and think of you each and every day!

Happy Birthday Gabriel...I love you little man!

Love, your Mommy!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Everything Can Change in a Heartbeat

June 1st, 2010

Four years ago today, June 1st, was when I found out that Gabriel had left us. I woke up that Thursday morning and headed off to my doctors' appointment. The physicians assistant searched for my baby's heartbeat and couldn't find it. She went to get the doctor. He couldn't find the heartbeat either so I was sent to have an ultrasound. I remember laying on the table, and with tears in her eyes, the ultrasound tech. asked if I wanted a moment to be alone. I've never felt so alone in my entire life. That moment changed my life forever!

Today, baby #2 is 10 weeks and 5 days. Something inside of me said that today was the day I should try out my fetal doppler. Hearing that little one's heartbeat makes me so happy! The sound brings peace, joy and excitement to my own heart. I love this baby already so so much, I can't wait to have our little one in my arms! Funny a simple sound can have such a profound impact.

I love my son and miss him every single day. This day, four years ago, was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. And today, four years later, I love my growing baby and wait in excitement for our little one every day. I can't wait to see what our future has in store for us!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

10 weeks today!

May 27th, 2010

Getting closer every day to being out of the 1st trimester....only a couple more weeks! I will be relieved to be past that point, but of course, we know better than anyone that there is no "safe" stage unfortunately.

We have told our families and many of our friends. It's so much fun to share such amazing news! We are blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives and everyone is very happy for us and have given us nothing but love and support! There's nothing better than being surrounded by love from the people that matter the most. This baby will definitely be welcomed into this world with open arms.

I've still been very lucky in that the nausea hasn't caused any actual vomiting. Not that being nauseous all the time is fun either, but I absolutely hate throwing up, so I'm glad that hasn't been an issue. I've been craving lots of fruit, and orange juice seems to be my best friend! Oh and sleep....I can't get enough of it. I've been so tired. I'm hoping the fatigue passes soon because I need my energy!

We are headed home for the long Memorial Day weekend. I can't wait to see our families! Hopefully the weather is nice because I'm hoping to sit outside and get some color. There's nothing too attractive about a pasty white fat lady haha!

Still praying and thanking God for our blessings every day! Goodnight for now ;)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day

May 9th, 2010

What does a person like me say about Mother's day? Looking past the fact that I was at work all day and didn't really get to "celebrate" anyway....Mother's day is somewhat of a bittersweet day for me. I would love to have little Gabriel here in my life every day, but a day like today exemplifies that feeling even more. I am a mom and I always will be, but the past few years it's been in a different way than most. I've been a mommy to an angel! Well, this year was a little different. I'm an expecting mommy! I'm so happy to be pregnant and I can't wait to have our little one here in our arms!

Mother's day wasn't a complete loss though this year. My parents surprised me by driving to my work to see me. It's a 4 hour drive one way for them. What amazing people they are! It was so great to see them. It definitely made my day! I'm so lucky to have such wonderful parents. And I was so happy to get to see my mom on Mother's day.

Wishing all the moms of the world a very happy Mother's matter what kind of mommy you are! ;)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

6 Weeks!

April 29th, 2010

I'm feeling fat and bloated. I'm always tired and my boobs are killing me. Nausea has kicked in but I haven't thrown up at I'm happy about that. Yep, I'm definitely pregnant! I won't complain though because I'm so excited I can barely contain myself.

I took my first "belly" picture this week and I look like I should be 12 weeks rather than only 6. I've heard people say that most people start showing sooner the second time around which would make sense. I didn't start showing with Gabriel until I was 5-6 months along. But for now, I'm going to go with I'm just bloated right now. I can't wait for my real baby bump to come along though! YAY

I kept my pregnancy a secret last time around but this time it's so much harder. I want to tell everyone I see! I think I will be telling the rest of my family on Sunday at my nephew's birthday. And I will probably tell a few of my closest friends. It's so hard to not just shout it out!

I just keep praying everyday that Baby Hermanson keeps growing and remains healthy! All I want for Christmas is my little one :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

5 weeks!

April 23rd, 2010

It's been 10 days since I found out we're pregnant and I couldn't be happier. I won't deny my extreme paranoia about losing this baby. Every time I go to the bathroom, I pray I don't see any blood. It's probably a little dramatic but I can't help it, there's nothing I want more than this baby!

Just the other day I ordered a fetal doppler machine. I can't wait for it to get here (even though I won't be able to use it for a few weeks). I really hope that it will help me keep my sanity during this pregnancy. I'm so excited to hear our baby's heartbeat. I know it will be an emotional experience.

My first doctor appointment is June 8th. It seems so far off, I hope the time goes by fast. When I talked to the nurse on the phone, I told her about the situation with Gabriel and it sounds like they will be keeping a close watch on me during this pregnancy. I'm glad to hear that this baby will be well taken care of. And being older and wiser, I'm not afraid to ask questions and to be my own advocate this time around.

My biggest obstacle so far, I just need to hold off on my shopping desire. I want to go out and buy baby clothes and gear right now! But I know that I should wait a while longer. I do know that my mom has already been thinking of my big belly though....because she bought me some new scrubs for work. I love my mom!

Okay, that's enough for now....I'm off to go find some breakfast :)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord :)

Got a BFP on April 13th and then again on the 14th!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

It's a faint pink line...but it's there! I'm shocked, excited, nervous, overwhelmed, worried, but most of so very happy and blessed!

I've never been so happy or excited about something in my whole life. I hope and pray that things go well this time around and we will be holding a precious little bundle in 9 months. If my calculations are correct, that means the baby is due Decemeber 23rd, 2010. What an amazing Christmas gift this will be. Please pray that it sticks!

God is Good!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Waiting Game

April 11th, 2010

It's the final couple of days and I'm so nervous. I just really, really want to see two pink lines! I just don't know much more disappointment I can take. Seems like every day I hear about a new person that is pregnant. I'm happy for them but so jealous. Somedays I just want to hide myself from the rest of the world and not come out until I have a little one in my arms. This world has been way too cruel in the past few years. I think it's about time for us to catch a break!

There's nothing I can do now but pray!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Happy Easter Weekend!

It's Easter weekend! A time to remember the love of our Savior Jesus Christ who died on the cross for our sins. To rejoice in that he rose again from the dead and is in Heaven, waiting there for us with open arms. Easter is the reason we don't have to fear death, because we can know that we are saved and that we will meet our God at the gates of Heaven when our time on earth is over. It's a beautiful time to Praise the Lord!

Unfortunately, I'm spending my Easter weekend alone at work. I wish that I could be at home and spend time with my family but I can't complain, at least I'm making holiday pay! :)

In closing, there is one thing I ask today of anyone who reads this blog. I ask today that you pray for my friend's family. Her baby boy Phineas passed away last night. He was only a few days old. It's a heartbreaking situation and my heart goes out to their family! I know what it's like to experience the loss of a precious son and I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. This family is wonderful and they deserve nothing but the best things in life. I'm devastated by this news and will keep their family in my every prayer. If you're reading this, please do the same!

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Friday, March 26, 2010

April showers, bring on the baby-makin' powers!?

March 26th, 2010

Wow, it's been a long week! Monday started off with an upset GI tract and a woozy head. All day I felt like I could faint. Tuesday, things were a little better. Wednesday night, came a little fever and a very sore throat with those ugly pus spots in the back. Thursday, I stayed home from work hoping some sleep would help. Today is Friday and guess what, still not feeling 100%. My throat isn't quite as sore but now comes the splitting headaches and the runny nose. Fun stuff! I've stayed in bed most of the day and hopefully I can kick this thing by the end of the weekend.

April is on it's way and I'm hoping and praying that this is our month. Wouldn't it be fun to have a Christmas baby? I think so! Unfortunately, Danny and I won't see each other for 4 days over Easter because I have to work the holiday and he's going home. Hopefully that won't hinder our chances. No matter what happens, I'm just excited for spring to be here! I love that the temperatures are warming up and that the snow is melting. I can't wait to see green grass and trees in bloom! Spring is the season of new beginnings, I can't help but think maybe it will bring a new beginning for us too!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Taking the first REAL steps...

Today is March 21st, 2010. A lot has happened since June of 2006.

My heart was crushed after we lost Gabriel. I began my healing by making a tribute website in his memory. I wrote poems and shared pictures. The website was my way of clearing my mind and my heart. Not long ago, the host site was shut down and my website was lost. Luckily, I had everything saved from the website (except the heartfelt comments from vistors) so it wasn't a complete loss. I've come a long way since the first painful year but there has always been a very empty void in my heart. I've watched many friends and family members bring beautiful, healthy children into their lives and each time, I'm very happy for them, but at the same time I've felt strong feelings of jealousy and resentment. It is still hard for me to hear about the milestones that other people's children are making, especially children that are the same age as Gabriel would be. I still have bad days, days where I cry for hours because I miss my little man. Some people don't understand why this is. But what these people don't understand is, just because I never got to bring my baby home and raise him, doesn't make me any less of a mom. I loved him just like any mother loves their child. I had hopes and dreams for his future, and they were all shattered when he died. But as hard as these "bad days" are, I've come a long way and I'm going to keep moving forward.

We lived in Danny's house in Maddock, ND. In July 2006 we got a puppy which we named Lucy! She has been a Godsend. Lucy has been a great companion and has brought me a lot of happiness. In August, I started working as a secretary at a local courthouse in a nearby small town. I worked there for about 10 months. In June 2007, Danny and I got married. It was such an amazing day. I loved every minute of it. We were very blessed to have so many loved ones come to celebrate with us. We went on our honeymoon in July. We took a road trip all the way to South Carolina. It was interesting....and amazing!

When we got back from our trip, we moved into an apartment in Fargo. Danny got a good job as an electrician and I started my internship to become a Radiologic Technologist. My internship was 24 months and unpaid. Those 2 years were grueling. We had to live off of Danny's income alone, I was stressed to the max with school, and in the back of my mind, all I could think of was having another baby. Danny, being the reasonable man he is, was the voice of logic. He knew we couldn't support a baby while I was in school. I fought him on it all the time. All I had to go on was my feelings, I let my emotions get in the way of what was right. Fortunately, Danny put up with my irrational behavior and he stood his ground. At the time, I was upset at him for it, but looking back, I can see he was only doing what was best for us and our future children. Thank God I have such a smart and supportive husband! And thankfully, he didn't drop me off at the insane asylum ;)

In May of 2008, we added another little furball to our family. We figured Lucy needed a friend while we were away during the days so we got a cat which we named Tucker. They are now best friends. It's neat to see such a strong companionship between a dog and a cat. Animals really are incredible beings! After a miserable and trying 2 years, I graduated from my internship in August of 2009 and began my search for a job. Danny held strong to his feelings about not trying to have a baby before I was working, so I was desperate. I needed a! After what seemed like forever (3 months), I found a great job and am now working in Minnesota as a Radiologic Technologist. I finally have good health insurance and my paychecks equal more than a hundred bucks. And guess what, I love my job!

So now, over 3 years later, Danny has finally decided we could start thinking about adding a little one to our family. YAY! I can't explain how excited I am at the idea. This will be our 4th month "trying" and still, no luck. It's frustrating because I'm a very impatient person. I want what I want now and am very bad at waiting any longer. But hopefully, our time will come (soon) and we will be blessed with a healthy, happy little bundle of joy! And here is where we start our new chapter in may get a bit bumpy, but I'm sure it will be worth the ride!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

We Will Never Forget

March 20th, 2010

If you've read my first post, you'll know the inspiration for this blog is obviously our son, Gabriel. He was our peanut and we love him and miss him dearly. Sure, it's been almost 4 years since we said goodbye to our precious baby boy, but goodbye doesn't erase a memory. Not one day has gone by that I haven't thought about our son. I wonder what he would be like today. Would he look like his daddy? Maybe he would be a momma's boy (I'd be okay with that). I wonder what his laugh would sound like. What would be his favorite games to play? Would he be a picky eater? I bet he would love animals, cars and music just like his parents. And I know I would cherish every hug and kiss!

But don't worry, I'm not going to drown you all in my suffering. I had to share where I started, in the darkest hours of my life, for anyone to fully understand where I'm going now. I want to share with you my journey of recovery. I want a place to write while I pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together again. The intention of my blog is not to be depressing, but instead, uplifting. Hopefully that will be the case. If I fail, I apologize. I can't promise where my life will lead and I have no way of knowing if things will go the way I want them to. But I will remain hopeful and carry on with a positive outlook, because I do know that I deserve happiness! We all do.

I chose the title "An Elephant Never Forgets" because elephants have a strong memory. It has been proven that elephants remember their family members that they have been separated from for decades. Also, elephants mourn for the death of their companions and have been known to come back to the bones of a lost one and "say goodbye" by touching and feeling the bones. An elephant truly never forgets, and as I move forward, neither will I.

Gabriel "Peanut" Hermanson

Written July 2006 (warning: pictures of Gabriel included at bottom of post, may be offensive to some so continue as you wish)

Mommy just had her 21st birthday and the next week she got a surprising gift...a positive pregnancy test!!! Her and Daddy were quite shocked but when the shock wore off, they became very excited to meet you. Everyone was excited to meet you; your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all of our friends. Mommy went in to get your first picture ever ultrasound at about 12 weeks. You were so cute and small, from that day on you were known as our lil peanut! Every day Daddy would rub Mommy's tummy and ask "How's peaunt doing today?" Mommy's tummy started to grow and grow and Daddy loved to tease her and feel you kick her at night! In May we finally started to do some shopping to get ready for your big arrival in July. Your room was going to be full of cute lil jungle animals...Daddy was going to set up the bassinet in our room soon too!

At the end of May, we took a trip with Daddy's family and you were very active in the car...kicking Mommy's ribs like crazy. A few days later, Mommy went in for a checkup and the doctor couldn't find your heartbeat. Instantly tears came to Mommy's eyes. They sent her in for an ultrasound and there was no movement and no heartbeat...the technician started to cry too. They told Mommy that you had passed away. Mommy was speechless, she just cried...How could this be happening, she had just felt you kick last nite???? Mommy called grandma & grandpa Ahlberg and Daddy too. Daddy rushed to be with Mommy and grandma Ahlberg came as soon as she could. Great aunt Mary came to comfort Mommy while she waited. Everyone was so heartbroken...we only had about 7 weeks to wait!

The next morning Mommy, Daddy, grandma Ahlberg, grandpa Hermanson, and auntie Renae went to the hospital and Mommy was induced. It was the longest day of our lives. Finally at 2:32 a.m. on June 3rd, 2006 you arrived...our precious lil baby boy. 3 lbs 3 oz. and 17 inches long. Mommy held you and we looked over your tiny body with tear filled eyes. You were perfect...perfect lil hands and feet. Everything about you was so perfect except that you weren't breathing and your heart was
n't beating. You had Daddy's blonde hair, handsome just like your dad. We named you Gabriel P. Hermanson. We chose Gabriel because you're our angel up in heaven and your middle initial as P. because you will always be our sweet lil peanut!

We had a memorial service for you the following Friday...we laid you next to your uncle Mitchell. Surely you are in good hands and are being well taken care of. Just know that Mommy cannot wait until the day we meet in heaven and she can rock her lil sweetheart in her arms once again! We will never forget you and will always always love you Gabriel.


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