Wednesday, May 25, 2011


May 25th, 2011

Yes, I'm guilty! I'm guilty of being a bit of a debbie downer lately which is unlike me because I usually try to be happy and optimistic in my life. I really dislike negative energy and it bugs me that I have been feeling so unhappy lately. I think it's a combination of things. Not having my own space is a BIG one! I am so anxious to get into our house...I love my parents but I just can't live with them much longer. I need some organization and structure in my life. Right now I don't feel like I have any. I've also been very worried about some things with Asher. Being stressed out over his health is wearing me down. I love him so much and I just want everything to be perfect for him! I think one of the most annoying things to me though is that I see so many people with such nasty attitudes, it's weighing heavily on my own spirit. I constantly see people complaining about such insignificant things and it upsets me! I have always tried to not let other people's pessimistic ways bring me down, but lately I've had a hard time avoiding it. I have sooooo much to be thankful for and I know that happiness is in there somewhere...I just need to dig it out and let it shine again!

Here are some great things that I've had going on in my life. I got to actually CELEBRATE Mother's Day this year! My first Mother's Day with Asher was very special. The past few years have been very difficult but this year, I had a chance to rejoice and celebrate my mommy-hood! Another big thing that happened lately is that my little monkey turned 6 months old! Asher is such a blessing in my life. He means the world to me and to watch him grow and change every day is a miracle. He is an amazing little man with so much personality...he means everything to me and I cannot believe that a half a year has already passed! He is learning to sit on his own which is so much fun. He loves to be outside and watch the animals. He continues to giggle and smile constantly which makes my heart melt. He's really started to love his food and his messy faces make me smile! He is a beautiful, wonderful person and I'm excited for his future! I know I've said it a million times, but I just want him to be happy!

One thing we've been struggling with is his right leg. He hadn't been using it much and didn't want to bear weight or straighten it. We took him in for bloodwork and an MRI and it seems that he had some fluid around his hip. The pediatrician and the orthopedic specialist both seem to think he will be okay but we are following up in a couple of weeks to see how things are improving. He does seem to be doing much better the past week and has been using his leg much more. YAY Asher! He is such a trooper and I am so proud of him!

Our upcoming adventures include professional pictures on June 8th, a wedding in Fargo on June 25th, a family reunion and hometown celebration in July! Honestly, every day with my little guy is an experience and I'm loving every moment. Hopefully next time I post, we will be starting a new adventure in our OWN home!!!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


May 4th, 2011

I need to vent....what better place to do that right? If you are a person who is easily offended, you may not want to read this. There, that's my disclaimer. Read at your own will!

Children are beautiful. Children are innocent. Children deserve the best. They deserve YOUR best! I know that issues have been around forever but I guess since my generation is having kids now, my eyes have been opened. There are so many fucked up things going on and I don't understand how parents can behave the way they do (excuse my language!) This isn't just things I see on the news; these are things I see going on around me. People I know.

When you have a child, you can no longer be selfish. If you smoke and drink before getting pregnant, it is YOUR responsibility to quit, FULL STOP. It's a very selfish and disgusting thing to take your own child's health for granted. I cannot and will not respect a person as a parent who cannot put aside their selfish desires and do what is best for the sake of their child. Sure, you may get lucky and your child may turn out just fine. But it's a risk and it's not one that you should be willing to take. Would you shove a lit cigarette in your newborns' mouth or fill their bottle with booze? I doubt it. Well, when you're pregnant, your baby is consuming what you do. It's the same thing and it's revolting. I hear the "well my mom smoked while she was pregnant and I turned out okay" excuse and let me tell you, NO YOU DIDN'T. 30 years ago they didn't know the bad affects it had. Now everyone knows! If you are stupid enough to do this when knowing how bad it obviously didn't turn out okay. Try again!

So, you wanted kids but now you are feeling tied down? You think you deserve to go out partying every weekend? Think again. You brought these children into the world. They are YOUR responsibility. I have absolutely no problem with parents going out on special occasions or having date nights. But the constant partying, drinking, sleeping around, are an adult. You are a parent. You gave up your right to be completely irresponsible when you had kids. Grow up! Take responsibility. Spend quality time with your kids, every day! I must say, when I see a facebook status from a parent that says "Had a great time tonight with my kids" it makes me sick. Don't be proud that you spent a night with your kids. That's your job. It's not something to be patted on the back for. You should be having those nights every night. Kids need stability. Again, grow up!

Let's not even get started on the people who cannot financially or emotionally support the children they already have but decide to have more. If you are living off of the government and don't have a job, please don't have anymore kids. It's so unfair and irresponsible. Or how about the people who use their kids for arguments with their spouse? What a crock of shit. You should never fight in front of your kids and even more important, do not use them as ammunition! And worst of all, something I can barely even talk about is abuse. If you cannot control your temper and resort to hitting, pushing, shaking, or any other physical assault....aghhh, I can't even go there! No child deserves to be abused and neglected. It breaks my heart!

I admit that I am definitely an overly emotional person and I'm also very sensitive when it comes to this topic because of things that I've been through. Having to visit my first born's grave site rather than see his beautiful face every day and then having my second born with risky complications during pregnancy and a scary NICU stay, you can probably understand why I am so passionate about this. Also, I will be the first to say that I am by no means a perfect parent. I make mistakes constantly and I am learning every day. But the things above are common sense. These aren't every day, ordinary mistakes. If you chose to be a parent, than BE ONE! Your child deserves the best you can give. Put aside your selfish ways and give them your best you!

Rant over.

Monday, May 2, 2011


May 2nd, 2011

Scary! That's the only word I see fit for describing this world we live in. I suppose frightening, alarming, terrifying, or grim would work too. The dawn broke with the news that an awful terrorist had been killed and the world erupted in cheers. Yes, it's great that this horrid man is no longer alive to carry out his evil works but this is not the end. For all of the people who are out celebrating in the streets, marking today as a triumphant day...know that there will be more bloodshed and more tragedy. This is the end of a life, not the end of the war. I will not celebrate until there is no more war. I fear the retaliation. These people are terrorists. Extremists. They are brainwashed. It's scary! I'm afraid for our troops, I'm afraid for our country, I'm afraid for our world. This is not the end. There is so much hate in this world. Until there is no more hate, there will be no peace.

There is already so much suffering without hate. Sickness, accidents, natural disasters....all of these things can be tragic and disheartening. There are children who are dying from hunger and sickness. People are losing their homes, their livelihoods, and their families due to earthquakes, tsunamis, fires, floods and tornadoes. The pain and devastation is tremendous. The things we cannot control are tolling enough on the soul. Why must we add hate? Why must people spread fear and negativity? This world is a scary place. My heart hurts knowing that our children will grow up in such a terrifying time. I don't know what the future holds, but until hate is overcome....the future won't be very bright. It makes me sad and fearful. I can only pray that God will protect us and keep watch over my loved ones. I will pray for our troops, our president, our country, our world, and yes, I will pray for our enemies. May the world find peace and end the hate!

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