Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A letter to Asher

December 27th, 2010

To my beautiful son,

From the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, my heart overflowed with love! You mean so much to me and I can't believe you are finally here. You didn't make things particularly easy for your mom though. You gave me plenty of scares throughout the pregnancy when you wouldn't cooperate for exams or wouldn't move for awhile (which is hard to believe now because you are always squirming around!) After everything we had been through previously, I was so scared of losing you. There were many nights I cried about it and prayed over it. Then, when I found out that there may be a serious complication that could result in you leaving us...I was a mess. But the news was actually a blessing in disguise. I spent a week in the hospital, hooked up to monitors to make sure that you were doing okay. I fell asleep each night to the sound of your strong, beautiful little heartbeat! I was so thankful when you were born, but I have to admit that I missed that wonderful sound. When I heard you cry for the first time, I cried too! You are my miracle.

You've been in this world for only 6 weeks but already, you have changed my life forever. For me, you've been in my heart for years and I've just been waiting to meet you. Your dad and I have been through a lot of rough times together and it hasn't been easy but I want you to know that you are our shining star! I know we won't be able to forget about the hard times, but having you in our lives makes it easier to move forward and look to the future. You are so special and I have no doubt that you are going to be an amazing person. My dreams for you are simple, I just want you to be happy! Please know that no matter who you become, you are our son and we will always love you. Never be afraid to come to us with anything. We will always be here for you and our love for you is unconditional. I wish that we could protect you from the hard things in life but those are the things that shape us as individuals. Always remember that you are loved. If you only learn one thing from us, I hope it's to love God and put your trust in Him and the rest will fall into place!

Love always- Mom

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

1 Month!

December 15th, 2010

My little pumpkin is napping so I have a minute to update my blog. It's only been a few weeks since my last update but boy has a lot happened since then! Asher is finally at home with us where he belongs....but it took a little longer than we had expected. He got a fever not once, but twice while in the NICU so they had to do the full work-up on him including blood tests, a lumbar puncture and a week of antibiotics (both times). Needless to say, mommy was a wreck throughout all of it!

The NICU is a funny place. You are so incredibly grateful that they are there to take care of your precious bundle but at the same time, you find yourself hating the place. I spent hours upon hours up in Pod 4 where Asher spent his first month of life. There were a lot of ups and downs....a horrible roller coaster ride I was happy to finally get off. By the end of it, I was just so frustrated by the entire process. It was more than I could handle. Having to leave him there at night was heartbreaking but I knew I had to go home and get some sleep so I would have the energy to do it all over again the next day. My days started to blend into one...the routine of each day was monotonous but there was no way I was spending any day apart from my beautiful little son. I couldn't leave if he was awake. If he was crying, I felt as though it was my job as his mom to stay and calm him, even though I knew it was technically the nurses "job." Exhaustion was always on my door step...but I only let love in. The love I have for Asher kept me going!

Now he is finally home and I couldn't be happier. Every hour I spend awake, calming my little son is worth it. Every snuggle is cherished! I have to say that this pregnancy was trying...a journey that wasn't easy in the slightest. And his birth and NICU stay wasn't exactly ideal but looking at Asher's sweet little face makes every "hard" part go away. He is amazing!

God is good...we are so very blessed!


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